In 1986, Disney was very interested in a ride where they could use a military simulator, often used for pilot training, to create an attraction in which visitors would literally ride through scenes from a film. Initially, the movie was to be Black Hole and it would follow the journey of the Cygnus through the vortex. While it sounded exciting on paper, the cost and the fact that the film had limited popularity made it very impractical. But Imagineering didn’t forget about the idea.
Here is a list of things that probably would have helped if Han, Luke, and Leia and the company had followed these simple common sense things.
1. Don’t go down a chute that smells like garbage.
2. Don’t try to shoot Darth Vader. It only makes him mad.
3. Before jumping into light speed, make sure you have fixed it.
4. Never passionately kiss your sister.
5. Don’t use galactic credits at Watto’s shop. He only takes Visa and Mastercard.
6. Never battle your opponent on a high platform with no guard rails.
7. Never use your light saber to scratch your back.
8. When on Dagobah, don’t drink the swamp water. Trust us.
9. Never trust a guy in a dark cloak that looks like death.
10. Be careful at Mos Eisley spaceport.
11. Never stick your head in between two lightning beams.
12. Don’t use your tongue to get fruit at the dinner table. It angers a Jedi.
13. Don’t bet against a Jedi in the pod races. You will definitely lose.
14. Never jump off a landing unless you know what’s under you.
15. Always shoot first.
16. Always carry Febreze if you plan to spend time in a tonton’s carcass.
17. Never doubt the religious significance of the Force.
18. Don’t come out of light speed too early.
19. Never do anything that might get you promoted in the Empire.
20. When fighting storm troopers, just run towards them. They will all run away.
21. Always have a droid that just happens to have a plug that fits just about any Death Star outlet.
22. If the guns have stopped, that is usually a bad sign.
23. Always wear clean underwear so that when they find you smashed against the hull, there is at least that.
24. Never trust a deal with the Sith. They have a tendency to modify them without legal recourse.
25. Never bring a blaster to a light saber fight.
26. Never go into a dark cave just because a little green guy tells you to.
27. Never shoot a blaster in a sealed garbage container even if the walls are closing in.
28. Make sure that the shield is down before approaching the Death Star.
29. Always have hiding places in the floor of your ship in case you are boarded.
30. Never let Jar Jar anywhere near your place of business.
31. Only use mind control on creatures that it works on, otherwise it just looks stupid.
32. Never chain a woman up with enough chain that she can use it to strangle you with.
33. When someone comes to rescue you, don’t waste time asking questions.
34. Never say “How are you?” when reporting a radioactive leak.
35. Those probably are the droids you are looking for.
Hope you take these things to heed so that your next journey into a galaxy far, far away will be much more enjoyable.
